Kerry Hamilton, CPCC

The Next Twenty Five

Well, I must say that philosopher Peter Koestenbaum has got me thinking again (see book list right column of blog for further details).

He asks the most brilliant questions.  Well, you all know I love a great question.  His are truly powerful.  He asks "what unit of time is your unit of time?"  One day, one week, one month, six months, a year, five years, twenty five years?

Now, I don't think I have ever had a five year plan for my life, never mind a twenty five year plan.  This is something that I have often felt proud of.  I use my intuition to seek what is next.  Sure, I have written business plans that view five years out.  But what my whole life will look like?  Nope, haven't done it.  

But, now, Koestenbaum asks "What is the time frame in which you experience your lived time?" If you look ahead at a twenty five year span as one unit, what do you see?

This question really has me pondering.  What amazing things might I dream up for myself for the next quarter century?

I am 58 now.  In 25 years I will be 83.  It is possible I'll still be healthy (of course it's possible I won't be, but what's the harm in planning for a healthy life?)

When I look at this chunk of time, it seems like another lifetime.  When I look at what I have experienced in the last twenty five years, it is quite a lot.  Two kids, 5 jobs, my marriage, lots of great friendships, some fabulous travel...the list goes on.

I am no longer counting the years until retirement.  Now, I am paying attention to the next twenty five year block.  That's pretty stunning. 

The first thought that occurs to me is to get more education.  I am a life-long learner, so it is no surprise that education excites me.  This is something that President Obama challenged us all with last Tuesday.  It was a prolific speech.   He covered an immense range of topics in great detail.  Obviously, education was high on the list.  And the President had a lot to say on the subject.  One thing he charged each of us with as Americans is to take up some form of education for ourselves.  Model life-long learning by becoming a learner again.  If we are to return this country to its former glory we must focus more on education, and each and every one of has a responsibility in this. 

So, education will be one thing I will consider in my Next Twenty Five Year plan.  Also, I will be visioning and dreaming.  As just so you know, it is not idle dreaming I am speaking of.  When I speak of dreaming, it is as an important part of creating and manifesting what I want in my life.  Dreaming and then acting on those dreams.

I must attribute this next thought to my brilliant coach.  As we were talking about this idea, she asked "What if everyone our age starting visioning the next 25 years, what would that be like?"  Oh my, doesn't the thought of this just take your breath away?

The largest generation, the baby boomer generation (or even if your not a boomer), not retiring, but planning their next twenty five years -- with powerful intention to contribute positively to the country and the world.  The world is ready for this.  I am quite sure of it.

Phew!

I am in.

Who out there will join me?

Bringing Life to Work

The very phrase 'work-life balance' seems to be a contrivance. It is just plain misleading.  Possibly even a scheme.

We go to work each day, and then what?  We get to have our life?  Is that it?

If life is alive, what is our presumption about work -- that it is not alive?  If we lead our lives at home, whose life are we leading at work?

These are profound questions.  How often are we at work thinking of things to be done at home, or at home preoccupied with work?  The constant struggle to strike a balance between the two may be an impossible task.  Perhaps, we want a different perspective.

What if we trusted ourselves enough to push back from our desks at 6pm, regardless of what papers are on it, and set out with a calm mind to that field where our son is playing ball?  What if we knew in our hearts that bright and early the next morning, we would know exactly what to focus on at work, what priorities to set, what conversations to be in.  Would that allow us to live, and be alive at work AND at home?  What if we trusted ourselves?

The answer might lie is something called 'lived time.'  Peter Koestenbaum defines lived time as our whole lives.  Rather than separating work and life, Koestenbaum looks at creating our work as a meaningful part of our lives.  We live from the inside out -- we connect our values and our courage to the work we do every day.

Then instead of checking our lives at the door on the way into our workplace, we actively engage who we are and what we believe in -- into our daily rounds at work.

Lived time.  A very powerful concept.  Being present to our lives, at home, at work, while working at home.  Making conscious and meaningful choices as we live our lives one moment, one value, one courageous act at a time.

That's what I call bringing life to work!

Time Out of Time

I rarely meet anyone these days who has enough time.  And in fact, if I am ever in a conversation with someone who intended to do something and did not, usually the reason is that they didn't find the time.  It seems this is true for many of us.

There are actually two words for time, though.  Both originating in the Greek language.  Chronos, which is the word for chronological time or clock time.  Kairos, which refers to time out of time; timeless, or perhaps even the perfect moment.

I have been intrigued about ths type of time for many months now.  It has been a place holder in that messy file that includes clips, and articles, and scribbles that I intend to use as fodder for 'someday blogs.'  I guess until today, I didn't have enough time to write about it.

I haven't found a lot written about Kairos, and yet, we all know what this is.  It is that moment when time stands still.  It is qualitative time...or liminal time, a moment or moments when we are situated at the threshold.  

I have found this in a few places.

I caputured one of these moments just recently when I was away at a retreat house for the weekend.  It was a Sunday morning, and I had paused at a window to look out in the snowy yard.  Nothing special was happening until a few moments into my pause.  And then, the sun drove beams through the trees toward me.  It was as if the rheostat on the sun had been dialed up just for me!

I have also noticed other times -- reading a story to a friend's child, in a kayak out on the Charles River with no one in sight, sitting with a loved one in the evening, reading quietly.

What makes these times special is that we intuitively step out of chronos time, and ease into time that stands still, making these moments some of the most precious moments of our lives.

The discipline is to set aside our daily grind, our daily 'to do's,' and give ourselves over to these liminal, kairos moments.

As Colbie Caillat says at the beginning of her song, Bubbly,

'Will someone count me in?'

 

 

Animals at Play

Whether you are an animal lover or not, this two minute slide show found at the url below will delight and teach you. 

As the narrator says, this is one example of some of the amazing things that are actually happening in nature.

http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/play/audiogallery/soundseen.shtml#slideshow

 

Take a look.

 

 

Neurobics: Keeping Your Brain Alive

This morning I decided to make a change to my morning routine.  I realized that the thought of taking my normal walk with my dog Tuckerman was boring me.  I was in the frame of mind to just get it over with.

I recalled a book I had bought recently at Barnes and Noble.  One of those bargain books, it was called Keep Your Brain Alive (Katz and Rubin), and heralded 83 Neruobic exercises to help prevent memory loss and increase mental fitness.  What I was recalling is something that I have known for a long time, which this book had reminded me of -- varying something that we do each day keeps our brains fit, and begins to create a new neural pathway.

So I weighed the pros and cons of a new walking route.

Pro -- new nerual pathway, stimulating memory, creativity, better task performance, interesting not boring

Con -- It will take more time

Now although there is only one con, it is a big one.  I live in a neighborhood that was once farm land.  The streets grew up in a rather haphazard way, perhaps following cowpaths, not unlike Boston. My current walking route is the shortest route.  If I take another, I need to add at least 10 minutes onto the walk. In reality, I will need to add more than 10 minutes, if I consider that the Tuck will want to sniff every blade of grass along the way, it being a new route and necessary instinctively for him to 'learn' it in this way (The Dog Whisperer has great advice on this subject, but that's another blog).

I decided to take the new route.  I have a busy day ahead of me, AND...no time like the present.  'If not today, when?  If not me, who?'

Tuck did sniff every blade of grass. And for me it was a wonderful, if long, experience.  I really noticed parts of my neighborhood that I haven't seen in a long time.  I drive by these areas, but walking by them creates a completely different perspective.  I also came home approaching my house from the opposite direction.  It was like looking at my house for the first time.  I am not sure when I actually SAW my house last.  Not recently, I can tell you that.

So, I am running a little late, and that is okay.  Because life feels a little fresher, a little more exciting.  Well worth the change in routine that I committed to this morning.  A little gift to myself.

Some other ideas that are offered by Katz and Rubin in Keep Your Brain Alive:

• Shower with your eyes closed

• Take a different route to work

• Go through your food store aisles in a different direction or pattern

• Sit in a different seat in meetings at work

When I look at the simplicity of this list, I realize just how much of my day is on autopilot.  And just how simple it would be to change it up, and exercise my brain each day.

So take up the challenge with me.  I plan to do at least one routine thing differently each day.  Every day for 21 days.  I plan to use a rubber band on my left wrist as a reminder.  I'll write today's date on it.  If I miss a day, I will move it to my right hand, and begin again. 

It may be as simple as brushing my teeth with my left hand.  Or something as big as wearing gloves when I am driving.  (Apparently wearing gloves blunts your sense of fine touch, so that you have to use other cues to steer the car or change stations on the radio.  Do this, unless of course you drive one of the snazzy cars that require you to wear driving gloves...in which case, you would take the gloves off!)

So the idea is this, each day will bring at least one new experience out of something that was once routine.

So, this is the challenge. 

Will you step into this challenge with me?

 

Staycation

A wonderful Wall Street Journal article caught my attention this week, on Wednesday to be exact.  It is a story about some families that have decided this year that a vacation away is too expensive, and they have applied their creativity to a vacation at home, dubbed by one interviewee 'staycation'.

One woman was unable to take the trip to Japan she had planned due to the exchange rate, cost of living, cost of airfares -- basically what we are all experiencing.  So, she decided to visit Japan at home by shopping at a traditional Japanese market, ordering in Japanese, watching Japanese films.  The concept here is brilliant.

Another family is pitching a tent in their living room. I am not sure I would go that far, and yet there was one summer when the kids were younger that we pitched a tent in the backyard, and it was there practically all summer.  The kids slept out many nights, invited friends in the neighborhood.  And the comforts of home were closeby too.  I slept a little less well.  My choice to worry a little more than if they were safetly tucked inside the house, and yet that was my choice to worry.  The sheer joy that they experienced was incalculable.

So, I think the 'staycation' has something going for it.  And it may even go beyond saving money.  The study of neurobics says that we can keep our brains healthy by doing things differently every day.  There is even some evidence to link Alzheimers avoidance to keeping our brains neurobically fit.  Brushing our teeth with the left hand (if of course you are right-handed).  Driving to work by a different route. 

If we take this neurobics concept into the 'staycation' realm, what possibilities lie in 'staycationing' not just for a week or two but often, and continually.  As a way of life.  Thinking of things that we would like to do and see, and applying creativity to bringing them here, instead of going there.

I know I love to travel.  It thrills me, shows me what is possible in the world.  Exposes me to new cultures, people who are different and exciting.

The 'staycation' opens up a big question for me.  What is 'in here' as opposed to 'out there' that I want to do right now to 'travel' more often? 

Off to do some traveling here at home!

Ohhhh, the possibilities are endless.

PostScript:

When taking a staycation, discipline is very important.  And by this I mean, the discipline to shut down email, turn off  Blackberries, to get away mentally.  The good thing about going far away is that the destination enforces the discipline.  If you are in remote mountains without cell service or in Europe, for instance, it's inconvenient to 'check-in.'.  The ability to 'check-out' is quite high. 

So, another good thing about a staycation is the practice it will give in the discipline of getting away.  While being here.  Something to think about.

Seeing Yourself

A friend sent me an interesting weblink using image comparisons to develop a typing profile.  You choose among photos as you answer questions, and the 'system' delivers back a visual summary.

I found this a way to remember some of the things I love.  And at the same time it made me realize how much the visual world, the natural world means to me and my life.  So, that's what I discovered.  Take the test and discover for yourself.  (Try cutting and pasting the url below into your browser if clicking doesn't work).

Http://DNA.imagini.net/friends 

21 Days

21 Days to a new habit.  That's all it takes.  At least this is common wisdom.  And coach's wisdom, too.

Several weeks ago I made a decision to explore establishing a new pattern.  The decision came as a result of realizing that I was doing something good for me, but only on the days that I felt I really needed it.

When I awoke on days that were busy, packed, involved a lot of people, and that involved doing new things (days I love by the way), I would realize that starting the day 'right' was important, so I would meditate for twenty minutes.  It was the realization that I was only making meditation a priority on the days that 'I needed it' that led me to realize I was thinking about this all wrong.

What if I were to meditate every day?  Even those days that were relatively easier.  Would this practice add to the quality of all of my days?

I do notice an appreciable difference on the days I meditate.  I am more focused, lighter somehow.  And I experience this no matter what the quality of the meditation.   What I mean by this is that some days I am deeply focused in meditation, others it seems that all I do is notice I am thinking about something and then pulling myself back to my breath.  The quality of the meditation on these days is clearly less focused, and scattered.  And yet, I notice that the quality of the day that follows a meditation, whether focused or scattered, is a high quality day.  It seems that the very act of taking the time to sit and breathe is what is making the difference. No surprise here, really.  This is what most of the experts on meditation will say -- the importance is the sitting, not 'doing it right', whatever that is.

So, on June 23rd, I began 21 days of meditating in the morning.  For twenty minutes.  I have been using Jon Kabat-Zinn's Series 3 Guided Mindfulness Meditation.  Kabat-Zinn has a soothing voice, and leaves plenty of space between speaking, and gently pulls you back in when you wander.

What is interesting is that the nine days that I have been doing this seem much longer than nine days.  On my seventh day, I thought 'Wow, it is only a week.  No wonder 21 days makes a habit.  It seems like a habit already."

I am using an interesting structure for myself too, a reminder to do this everyday.  It is a green Roche Brothers rubber band (it came from my blueberry container).  I am wearing it on my left wrist, and I wrote the date '23' on it.  If I should miss a day in my 21 days, I will move the rubber band to my right hand, cross out the '23', write in the new date, and begin my 21 days all over again.  I don't think I will miss though.  The green rubber band is a great reminder.  And really, the daily benefit is the best reminder.

Others in the family are getting into the act too, at least the four-legged ones.  I opened my eyes at the end of my meditation the other day to see both cats and the dog surrounding me.  Animals are very affected by energy, and I take it as a good sign that they wanted to be near.

What is important about this story to me is this.  I have known about the benefits of meditation for years, decades really.  And I sometimes meditated.  Now, I am committing to daily meditation (oh, even putting this on the page gets me my heart beat a little faster, interesting)!

I am committing to do this every day, and to notice what is different and better about the quality of those days.

Walking my talk.  Putting my money where my mouth is.  And all those great aphorisms.

It feels good.  I am smiling right now.  Intending to spend the day reaping the benefit of a short, yet powerful daily twenty minutes. 

On Apology

I am reading a very wonderful book by Aaron Lazare, MD called On Apology.  I am not sure where I heard about this book, but as soon as I saw the title, my curiosity was peaked.  Unlike many other books I've read about, this one didn't end up on the Someday Reading List.  I ordered this book right away.

Dr. Lazare very eloquently takes the reader through the steps of an effective apology.  I don't recall ever being taught this -- certainly not in so effective a way.

His chapter titles captured my imagination right away.

Why People Apologize

Why People Do Not Apologize

How Apologies Heal

Apology and Forgiveness

Delayed Apologies

Apology doesn't come easily to many of us.  It certainly doesn't come easily to me.  And I know that if I think I owe an apology, even if I don't know why, it is likely to bother me, even if only a little, even if only in the background. 

Dr. Lazare talks about steps to an effective apology.

1.  Acknowledging the offense.

2.  Accepting responsibility for the offense.

3.  Recognizing the violation of the social contract and the harm.

4.  Showing remorse, humility and sincerity.

5.  Offering explanations for the act.

6.  Offering reparations.

If following these steps, the wronged person and the relationship can be restored.  The wronged individual or group feels respected again, feels safe, experiences restitution, is back in meaningful dialogue again with the offender. The breach can be healed.

So, an example.  I borrow a friend's camera to take some pictures of a family event.  I accidently knock it off the kitchen table, and I can't get it to work properly.  My friend is upset.  It was her favorite camera.

The ineffective apology:  "If I broke you camera I am sorry, but I had a lot on my mind and I didn't see it. You have another camera, I know, so you'll be able to use that one.  I'll pay you to fix it, if you want me to,"  Then I wait for my friends move.

The effective apology.  "I broke your camera.  It was very careless of me to leave it in a place where it could be knocked over.  You lent me something that is very valuable and I didn't take care of it.   I am sorry.  I would like to get the camera fixed for you.  What is your preference for who repairs the camera.  I will take it there, and have it fixed as soon as possible."

Well, perhaps a little weighty, but you get the idea.  So often when we apologize our heart is just not in it.  And as a result, we avoid taking full responsibility, we try to avoid embarassment.  And the apology does just the opposite of what we intended.  An ineffective apology often makes the offended person even angrier.

Next time you owe an apology, think through these steps above.  It feels good to be forthright, and clear about responsibility.

So, okay, I didn't break my friend's camera.  But I have found myself in the position of apologizing (more than once) since I started this book, and I have to say, I am finding that I am getting a little better at it, bit by bit.

Fear

Eleanor Roosevelt was quoted as saying, "Do one thing every day that scares you."

I have been living with this quote for about a month, often following this unusual advice, and experiencing various emotions.

Discomfort

Surprise

Embarassment

Elation

...to name a few.

Sometimes big and sometimes small, these scary things are teaching me something.  Rarely is the discomfort of the magnitude that I anticipate.  Sometimes, I anticipate discomfort, and the experience is actually very different and positive. Often, I am surprised, elated.  Hmmm.

Always, the learning is important.

If this appeals to you, if you are curious, try doing one thing each day that scares you.  And notice what you experience.

Oh...and thanks, Eleanor.  A wonderful challenge from a wise and somewhat surprising source!